Infidelity in a relationship is unimaginable. But what if it happens?
It can ruin your world and yourself. The family is broken and you’re emotionally broken. For all the love and care you gave in to keep the relationship “healthy”, betrayal was served to you. The trust once broken can never be regained. Even if it is regained, there’ll always be cracks in the relationships to further worsen whatever bonding remains.
Emotions can spurt out in the form of anger, shock, crying, screaming, and/ or completely shuts off. During such moments, every sane person will advise to stay calm and overcome such emotions. But, when such insane things happen, sanity leaves the mind and body. So let the emotions flow, let it out.
It’s hard to understand the reason behind such infidelity when one partner is committed for life. When one believes only death do us apart, and another one doesn’t. This seriousness in a relationship is not shared by both equally.
There is no master key of do’s and don’t after you find out your partner’s infidelity. But here are some expert tips on healthy and productive things that you can do right after your partner cheats:
Let the emotions flow
Don’t bottle up your emotions. Give your emotions an outlet. Keeping emotions to yourself will harm you more than you think. If you feel like crying, then don’t stop your tears. Let it out, once and for all. Give yourself enough time and space.
“So if you need to scream, scream — into a pillow rather than at your partner. If you need to cry, then let yourself go into that ugly cry.”
Piper S. Grant – a licensed clinical psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert, (SheKnows)
Accept what happened
“In a lot of cases, people are in denial about their significant other cheating on them. Pushing the problem aside won’t change what happened, so confronting the problem with your partner head-on is the best way to go about it.”
Lori Bizzoco, a relationship expert and founder of Cupid’s Pulse
Bestie’s therapy
Call out to your BFF or bestie. The one person who knows you better than yourself. Such a friend knows how you can overcome such situations without being judgmental. And after all, they know what’s best for you.
“It is not uncommon for friends to want to jump to your rescue and quickly offer advice for what you need to do. This can be further confusing and actually can make it hard to figure out what is best for you,”
Piper S. Grant – a licensed clinical psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert, (SheKnows)
Reason out
Try to find out the reason behind the infidelity. Don’t follow an array of assumptions. Find out hard facts. Listen and understand each and every detail. You’ll need to develop an understanding and keep an open mind to know the reasons behind your partner’s infidelity.
“As much as you might not want to hear about the specific details, you will want to create an understanding for why your partner did what they did”
Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid
Assess your present
Once the secret is out, it may turn into an unexpected uncomfortable situation. You may feel unsafe going back to your place where your partner stays. In such conditions assess your status on your present situation. Try to get somewhere safe for the night and be with the people who’ll take care of you.
“Things can get pretty unstable when working through infidelity, and you want to make sure you are in a stable environment so that you can continue to take care of your everyday life.”
Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid
Get examined medically
If you and your partner had been together for a long time and were fluid bonded (or beyond using barrier method contraception), which is often the case for people who are in long-term monogamous situations or folks who were open to conceiving, you want to take the time to check in on your health. Make an appointment with your doctor and get yourself tested for STIs — better to be safe than sorry!
Understand it’s not your fault
It was your partner’s call to cheat and you can’t take it out on yourself. Betrayal in return for your loyalty is your partner’s loss and not yours. Don’t let self-doubt overshadows your mind. Because it could lead to long-term health consequences. You’ll be punishing yourself for someone else’s mistakes.
“No matter what the situation was, your partner had a commitment to you, and you can’t feel responsible for it,”
Lori Bizzoco, a relationship expert and founder of Cupid’s Pulse
Assess your choices
What choices do you have? To continue or not to continue? It may not be an easy decision, but you need to start to lay the foundation for which direction your relationship is going. Whatever decisions you make will have a permanent impact on both of you.
“Whether you stay together or decide to move on, at this stage, you need to focus on your coping skills. Work through it to forgive or to forget,”
Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid
Take your time
No big decisions need to be made immediately, so give yourself at least 24 hours to make any big decisions. Such situations may overpower emotions in decision-making. Taking decisions while one is emotional, may lead to regrets in the future. So think over all the possible options available, with the repercussions on both of you for the life.
“Right after finding a partner cheating, we can feel like we need to go straight into the fix-it mode or make big decisions based on discovering the sexual infidelity. Rather than being reactive, be intentional and thoughtful.”
Piper S. Grant – a licensed clinical psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert
Reevaluate the relationship
You should take a step back and decide if your partner’s cheating is something that is forgivable.
“If it’s something that you can forgive them for, then you’ll need to have a conversation about how to move forward in the best way possible. If not, then you’ll have to move on in the best way you can.”
Lori Bizzoco, a relationship expert and founder of Cupid’s Pulse
Avoid social media if you can
“You don’t want to react online and write about how much you hate your partner just to later forgive them for their actions.”
Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid
Even the exact opposite can be just as bad.
“Don’t post fake, happy photos to get your partner jealous or to disguise that you’re OK when really you’re not. Keep your business to yourself and give yourself some time to process everything and stay offline.”
Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid
Don’t try to get back at your partner or to act vengefully
You don’t want to do anything you can’t reverse, and at the end of the day, you won’t feel better “getting back” at them.
“You’re really hurting right now, and you want your partner to hurt the same, but don’t spread the pain,”
Bethany Ricciardi, a sex and relationship expert with TooTimid
Don’t forget to take care of yourself
Sometimes, these emotions can be overwhelming, and people might find themselves not eating or binging on loads of unhealthy food.
“When you are going through something so emotional, it is imperative to try and take care of yourself physically because it will only help support you in being able to process all of the emotions.”
Piper S. Grant – a licensed clinical psychologist, sex therapist and relationship expert
Nothing is going to make the process painless, but hopefully, by following this expert advice you can heal completely and in a way that is healthy for you and your partner.
